Random Thoughts About Wine

by Michael Parker

Goody Two-Shoes

We won’t be needing this,” she said with a large measure of smugness as she held the wine list under my face. The restaurant had no host that night, so I showed the couple to a table (in my opinion the best table in the room), placed the wine list, a folder 8 1/2 by 11 inches, and cleared the unneeded place settings. My hands were full at that point. Not yet having taken her seat, she picked it up and held it so close to my face that it actually blocked my view of the table. She continued to hold it there.

In my mind I thought, “Well, look who’s going to Heaven!” I made no hurry to take it back from her, either. If I ever burned a hole through someone with a glare, it was her, and I’m glad her husband saw me do it. They split a house salad before they split the cheapest dinner. I was surprised they didn’t share her cherry Sprite. I was not surprised when she called out to me for the check as I was serving another table.

This kind of crass sanctimony seems rare today. It took me back to a previous restaurant job, way back in 1993. That restaurant, famous first for its beef, had earned a Wine Spectator Grand Award. The list offered 1200 wines, the inventory numbered at 48,000 bottles. The tables were set properly, with tall, big wine glasses. Often enough, the pious would come to dine on well-done ribeyes and house salads with Thousand Island dressing. Those people actually turned the wine glasses upside down, as if we were going to pour without an order.

A little more rarely, I would have to hear something from the Scriptures about wine and drunkenness. More often I would hear a declaration, “We don’t drink.” The last time I heard that, I removed their waters.

It does amaze me that we still have people so old-fashioned, so unnerved by the offering or presence of wine and drinks, when all they have to do is, well, nothing, just not order any.

Carnival Season, Asheville Mardi Gras, Krewes

Asheville Mardi Gras is in the planning stages for 2012. The wine drinkers’ krewe, the Grand Krewe, Dionysiaque (Grand Cru, get it?), will be announcing its own events in January via the Facebook page “Asheville Mardi Gras” and in the February column here. This year there will certainly be the Second Annual Running of the Winos. Last year’s was coordinated with Downtown Asheville’s three wine bars. This year’s will be similar, but it is still being planned. As Krewe Kaptain, I welcome you to join the Krewe and participate.

Old Fashioned

“This is the best Old Fashioned I’ve had.” So said a friend I call my number-one Bourbon-drinking buddy. It was his father’s drink. His father, “the Third,” died five years ago. My friend, “the Fourth,” remarked that it was (would have been) his father’s 65th birthday. We toasted “the Third” with Old Fashioneds made with Bulleit Bourbon.

..and the award for Best Old Fashioned goes to… Chris the bartender, at the Rankin Vault Cocktail Lounge.

Holding Pattern

About the wines you got for Christmas: some improve with age; many more do not. There are numerous variations, factors, and conditions that affect the ageing potential of a wine. Local wine shop staff are happy to advise here. But let’s face it: we’re lucky to be given a wine that actually is as nice as the giver wants you to think it is.

Years ago, a friend got a wine rack for Christmas, and along with it a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, and she set it up on top of her refrigerator. It was there for seven years. Wine gets better with constant warmth, right? Sure, if you want your white to look like post-pot-o-coffee pee-pee. How is it that everybody knows that cellaring is the best storage for wine, but so many of those same people flake and store their wine in the swirling warm air of a large appliance?

Nice Rack!

If you lack a basement or cellar, or simply lack the energy to go down there, consider another ideal place for your wine storage: the floor of your closet. Seriously – the temperature in there is fairly constant year-round. There are no devices creating heat. The floor in there is the perfect place for your wine storage, especially in the cardboard box. Do you ever think about how much wine you could buy for the price of a nice rack?

New Wines

The challenge in writing a January wine column is meeting the deadline in December. Wines tasted this season will likely be sold out by the time any recommendations make it to the new year’s readers’ eyes. Tasting notes are on hold until next month.